I Say

They say as you grow up your prioroties change. As you grow up you want a future. They say as you grow up you want quality, you want something real, something you can grow, something you proud of. Well i say, i want something to be proud of now, something real now (i've been real from the begining anyway) and something good happen to my life everyday. I don't feel like i have to change any prespective about anything from myself. I am not regret about the past. Nights out, nights in, days out, days in, everywhere and anytime i want to be in, i'll be in. As i grow up i will not let my circle get smaller. Improvement for me is forever. I will keep passionated. And inspired of something that i believe. I will love my self and i'll educate my self everyday. I will see the world and i'll learn everyday. Hard skills, soft skills, moral values, i will keep my self enriched. And entertained for something that i love. I will love and respect my husband, i will love my kids, my family and we'll run the world together. Teach my kids how to survive, how to be thankful and how to appreciate life. They say as they grow up they want quality, well i dont want to wait till next time. I am making it now. And i just like it that way. I have no reason to be passive. I have no reason to stop expressing my self to the fullest. I have no reason to be unproductive. I have no reason to stop doing what i love and having fun with it.

Life is wonderful. My God is amazing.

Memory

There are two kinds of memories that are always haunt your life
One is the thing you want to keep
And the other is the one that you would try so hard to forget
A shameful one
I never thought that you were in the list of something that i will make an effort to erase
And all those stupid phrase
If i had to choose then i'd rather blind
So i can love you for a thousand year
So i don't have to see the real you
But its okay. I am okay.
We're okay.
Just want to put it behind our back.
And I pray for you to fly away
To go as far as you can so i don't have to see you
because i guess this feeling has fallen down too deep
But how many time i try to get up to erase you
One thing funny is that you're still my inspiration after all

How I Used To Be

I remember how it used to be
when there's nothing matter but you and me
And how we steal the time in an almost impossible way
just to see each other in a single flash

i remember how it used to be
When that single flash made us happy
but then as time flies
it wasn't just enough anymore
you need more.. i need more

I remember the time when it was so hard to say good bye
Although just for a little while
I remember how you said that i am your happiness
Now it's just the phrase

I woke up in our bed where it used to be our summary of days, weeks, months that we spent hoping to see each other
But as i opened my eyes there's no breathing body beside me
somebody that i used to see

well i guess this is the end
above those fusses you're still the best thing that i never had
and it's time to face the truth
that im not made for you

Dua Pasang Tali Sepatu

Aku hanyalah seorang pecundang, dengan wajah tidak tampan berbalut baju seadanya. Tak pernah benar-benar ada teman yang sepertinya tulus berteman denganku kecuali beberapa hari saat ujian akan datang. Ya, aku bukan siapa-siapa, Rambutku berantakan entah berapa kalipun ku sisir karena mungkin bahkan anggota tubuhku sendiri pun membenciku, menghianatiku, membuatku merasa lebih aneh dan buruk lagi hampir setiap hari.

Tak pernah ada yang menarik dalam hidupku. Semuanya datar. Aku tak pernah merasa senang ataupun sedih. Aku cukup tau di mana seharusnya aku berada. Aku cukup tau tempat saat makan siangku adalah di sudut kursi kantin sekolah. Aku cukup mengerti mengapa tidak seharusnya aku bergabung dengan gerombolan orang-orang hebat yang selalu berjalan dengan gagah memenuhi koridor. Namun, hey, aku tak pernah sampai jatuh karena terjerat tali sepatu. Aku selalu tau kapan tali sepatuku mulai lepas. Aku telah mengawasinya hampir setiap saat. 

Aku mengawasinya hampir setiap saat. Entahlah, aku senang melakukannya. Menjaganya tetap terikat, hanya itu yang aku bisa saat berada di tengah-tengah keramaian. Karena aku terlalu sungkan, terlalu malu, suaraku terlalu lirih untuk bahkan sekedar berkata "Ngomong-ngomong, sepatumu keren", terlalu tidak nyaman untuk melihat sekitar dan memaksaku berkontak langsung dengan orang lain, terlalu mengerti bahwa semua orang merasa tidak nyaman bila di dekatku.

Setidaknya tali sepatuku tetap terikat..

Namun manusia tidak pernah tau kapan hati mulai terpaut pada satu hal yang membuat segalanya tiba-tiba berubah. Kau tau aku mulai tidak memperhatikan tali sepatu lagi. Kamu. Yang berpikir dirimu pecundang. yang cukup sadar di mana kamu seharusnya berada saat makan siang. Kamu yang membenci rambutmu berapa kalipun kamu mencoba untuk menyisirnya. Kamu yang selalu memperhatikan sepatumu saat berjalan. 

Aku. 

Kamu.

Kamu. Hanya kamu. Cukup denganmu.

Aku merasa cukup tampan saat bersamamu. Cukup nyaman dengan rambutku. Bahkan aku mulai menyukainya. Cukup senang duduk berdua di sudut kantin sekolah. Oh ini tempat makan terindah yang pernah aku tau, hanya karena denganmu. 

Kamu. Hanya denganmu, cukup membuatku merasa hebat. Dan aku tau Tuhan tidak pernah benar-benar membuat hidup seseorang payah, aku bahkan menjadi sangat bersyukur telah dilahirkan. Untuk dapat melihatmu. Kita hebat. Kita bahagia. Untuk diri kita sendiri.

Dan sejak saat itu kita mulai tidak terlalu peduli soal tali sepatu..